What is this feeling?

By Trevor Filewood

A shopper stood in the middle of a supermarket aisle and suddenly wondered, ‘Why do I feel like crying here?’

Some people at the dog park commented on how the dogs were having a much better time than they were because they could make contact with each other.

What is this feeling?

In a word, it is grief.

David Kessler, a renowned author on grief, suggests that we are currently feeling the loss of normalcy: 

‘We realise that things have changed, albeit temporarily, but we also know things will be different from now on. Add the fear of contagion, the fear of economic loss, the loss of connection—we are grieving—collectively. We are not used to this kind of collective grief.’[1]

Kessler adds that we’re also feeling ‘anticipatory grief’. This is the feeling we get about an uncertain future—uncertain about health, possible death, a storm brewing—the feeling that there is ‘something bad out there’. 

He adds: 

‘I don’t think we’ve collectively lost our sense of general safety like this [in our lifetime]. Individually or as smaller groups, people have felt this. But all together, this is new. We are grieving on a micro and a macro level.’

One definition of grief says it is ‘the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behaviour’.[2]

Another says, ‘Grief is the psychological-emotional experience following a loss of any kind (relationship, status, job, house, game, income, etc), whereas bereavement is a specific type of grief related to someone dying’.[3]

So, how does a believer in the Lord Jesus respond to these issues? We feel, we grieve the same things in the same ways as non-believers. We miss the activities, contacts and freedom of movement; we are concerned about our health and the health of others; we are concerned about what the recovery will look like—locally, nationally and globally.

With COVID-19 issues dominating our thoughts and airwaves 24/7, much has changed in the world and in our own circle of activity. Many are grieving and this produces weariness, anxiety and uncertainty.

However, God has not changed. He is the same supreme manager of his universe, watching lovingly over everything he has made.

In the Psalms, we can read where believers express their fear, uncertainty, anxiety, anger and sense of loss. Usually, the writer ends with praise and words of assurance that he knows the Lord is still in control. Yet, even with the absence of praise, in great fear and doubt, such as in Psalm 88, the writer keeps talking to God, pouring out his feelings and thoughts. Even though our feelings during these uncertain times might tell us otherwise, faith tells us that God is good, and his way will always be the best way. 

Faith is believing that these things we’re still learning about our Heavenly Father are true. One really important factor in this learning process is our understanding that, as believers, we are in relationship with him and, like all relationships, it develops; changing and deepening in light of shared experience. We don’t yet know him fully and we certainly don’t know his mind, will and timing. Our faith can and should inform and guide our feelings, even as we honestly express them to him.

Jesus assures us, ‘In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world’ (John 16:33). I like the way the Message paraphrases: ‘In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.’ When Paul wrote to the Thessalonians about their grief over believers who had died, he said, ‘you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope’ (1 Thessalonians 4:13).

The key word there is hope. 

Hope is so much more than wishful thinking or anticipating that, hopefully, things will get better one day. True hope is the assurance that we are in good standing with our Lord and Saviour, that our present and future are secure in him and nothing in the universe—now or in days to come—can separate us from him.

We are always urged to express our deepest longings as well as our joy and thanks to him. This includes anxiety, sense of hopelessness, darkness, fear of change, and grief.

‘Cast all your anxieties on him for he cares for you’. (1 Pet 5:7)

Remember he said, ‘I’ve conquered the world’. (John 16:33, MSG)