By Hannah Njoto (with Lizzie Schoer)
You’ll be glad to know that, although this article on Family Discipleship is written by your childless youth minister, I am really just summarising the gold nugget of resources on this topic called … The Family Discipleship Guide by The Village Church in Texas.
This monumental piece of work should really be called the All-inclusive-drop-everything-and-read-this Family Discipleship Guide, because that’s how good it is.
Once you’ve poured yourself a tall cup of coffee, check out the full 44-page document here.
However, I’ve captured the main points for you with some personal commentary as one who has been family-discipled. You’ll also be glad to find some examples of how our Children and Families Minister Lizzie’s family practices these three priorities. Enjoy!
The fountain of knowledge on Family Discipleship
‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.’ – Deuteronomy 6:5-7
God is gracious to not leave parents in the dark regarding the discipleship of their children. It’s in Scripture, plain and clear: evangelisation and discipleship of children is a parent’s primary responsibility.
God is also gracious in not leaving parents alone in this. I’m not just talking about depending on your spouse, although that is another gracious gift if you have one! The Holy Spirit is a parent’s greatest help, comfort and strength when it comes to discipling children. If you feel inadequate as a disciple-maker, remember that the Holy Spirit is working in and through you, and that, ultimately, God is responsible for the growth of saving faith. You also have the church, your God-given gospel community, to encourage and equip you on the journey!
1. Model discipleship
I have a psychology textbook from my uni days that describes the process through which children learn how to live and develop lifestyle habits. Let me summarise it for you:
Monkey see, monkey do.
This is no revelation to parents. I have no doubt that you have all seen this learning-in-action, at times with fondness and amusement and perhaps, occasionally, with horror. It is no surprise, then, that children learn what it means to follow Jesus primarily from seeing their parents follow Jesus.
This is by far the simplest teaching method on the planet. It is also the most personally challenging!
How is your personal walk with God going? In what ways are you daily taking up your cross and following Jesus in costly, sacrificial living? Do you love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul and strength?
When I think about my own parents, I am under no illusions about their personal flaws. I am also under no illusions about their personal devotion, because I saw it. I watched as my parents would begin their day reading Scripture. On numerous occasions I stumbled across my father in our spare room, deep in prayer. I listened as they prayed for us and heard my mum singing spiritual songs around the house. I saw my parents live out genuine faith in God and their repentance when they fell short.
I saw that the foundation of my parent’s life was and is Christ. This was the beginning of my own discipleship.
Lizzie says: Having kids in our home has made us, by necessity, more thoughtful about our choices. Gone are the days of skipping church or small group because we’re a little tired (haha). And choosing to fast during Lent raises a lot of questions about what we’re doing and why. For each choice, we need to be ready to explain it to the kids, and be prepared for them to duplicate our actions. That certainly raises the bar!
2. Intentionality in the rhythms of life
‘Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up …’ – Deuteronomy 6:7
‘When you…’ Two very powerful and comforting words for a time-poor family (which, let’s face it, is every family in the 21st century). Notice that God isn’t asking families to wipe their diaries clean for 24/7 prayer and fasting.
A great way to be intentional in discipling your family is to identify the natural rhythms of daily life - with a focus on moments where all or some of the family gather - for deliberate ‘thinking about, talking about and living out the gospel’ (p. 12, FDG).
Does your family gather for dinner most nights? When do you get to spend time just with daughter X or son Y? If you’re married, what time do you spend just with your spouse?
The Village Church Family Discipleship Guide helps you to identify and analyse these family rhythms to find the best times for designated discipleship time.
Lizzie says: Kids thrive in consistency and predictability. My husband John and I are not naturals at this, but we have worked hard to organise our household rhythms to be so. The current circumstances may bring uncertainty, but they also (in many homes) provide more time for us to spend with our families. In our home we have a quantity of family time, but we need to put in the effort to make it quality time.
3. Incidental discipleship
I wanted to call this point ‘accidental discipleship’, because it’s all about taking hold of the random everyday opportunities where you can speak the gospel into the events of life. How might you respond and encourage your eldest daughter when she flings herself onto her bed, in tears over a botched maths test? What might you say when your husband announces at the dinner table that he won’t have a job by the end of the month? How might you answer your 5-year-old’s question about the homeless man on Swanston Street?
If we believe that the gospel changes the way we live, we ought to reflect this by using Scriptural truth and prayer to help our family encounter the risen Lord Jesus in the moments that everyday life throws at us
However, this is not accidental discipleship at all. These moments might be tossed into our laps through no intentionality on our part, and yet we are called to be ready, in season and out of season, to preach the word of God to our family with patience and wisdom (2 Timothy 4:2). This may be unplanned discipleship, but it is ready discipleship.
Lizzie says: I’m not sure if it’s just us, but some of the finest moments of teaching about God and godly character in our house have come from moments of conflict and resolution. Grace, justice, and most often of all the concept of forgiveness - God forgives fully, freely and forever (p. 14, FDG).
Answering the call to disciple and be discipled
Ultimately, as you follow Jesus and teach the same to your family, you are in turn being shaped more and more into the image of Christ (Romans 8:29).
You will not do this perfectly. You will definitely fall short countless times and be tempted to despair. Yet, even in these times we can demonstrate the glory of God to our families by wholly throwing ourselves onto his mercy and grace, acknowledging our weakness and total dependence on him.
Remember that you are not alone, and that ‘he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus’ (Philippians 1:6).
Keep going, parents! We are rooting for you.